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[anna_a1]

Hi guys, i really need some advice and I would really appreciate to hear what you guys think ...

I come from a Pakistani Muslim family, and I have on numerous occassions before had this talk with my dad about when it comes to marriage all that should matter is if they are a good person and in terms of religion then for them to be Muslim is understandable. Pakistani's are very ... lets say "cultured" to put it nicely lol. We have argued about how if i was to marry a Black man my dad would be pissed off, but my arguement was that in Islam it doesnt say anything about colour ... thats racism to me and as long as they're muslim their skin colour shouldnt matter.

I was previously engaged to a Pakistani man, who i had been with for 3 years and who my parents were eventually happy with. But i realised that we just weren't clicking anymore, just realised we were too different wasnt happy, so i ended it...

I have recently met a man who's Black and has one Christian parent one Muslim parent. He is more towards Christian at the moment but has both influences there so he knows a but about both.

Im not saying I want to marry him, but lets say if he was happy to convert to Islam ... would there be anything wrong then if we did get married?

The issue I face is that I know how prejudiced, racist, stereotypical and just down-right out of order my family are... I HATE it and disagree with them over so many things because of their views ... So i dont see how they would accept it, even THOUGH I wouldnt be islamically doing anything wrong .... its really hard!

The problem is I sometimes feel like i should get back together with my ex (who does want to get back together) but then I realise its only bcoz the work was already done there and we would have no issues whatsoever ... Thats not really the right reasons to marry someone is it? Especialy if i get along with the other much more ....

Advice?? Does anyone know any asians that have married black people?

[Learning]

I'm not sure how much advice I can give but I do know an asian sister that has married a black man.

[Learning]

Slightly inappropriate.

--
i think on a more serious note that there is serious intramuslim racism which is entrenched in all muslim societies. so blacks will look down on whites, asians on blacks, pakistanis on indians, whites on everyone, etc. then you have the caste racism too. all of this is unislamic but it happens. like seriously, and please don't bite my head off (unless you're attractive then you're welcome ) but, i am not racist at all, i only find Caucasian/fair skinned girls and guys attractive; even the african/oriental people i find attractive tend to be those with european features...
is that inbred racism or what?
and honestly i deplore racism.

[Sybarite]

my urdu teacher married a west indian lady...

[annabrent]

Hello anna_a1
I was really interested to read your post as I am doing some research on this subject for a BBC3 documentary series about people who are in relationships that may not be fully supported by family or friends.
I would be really grateful if we could potentially chat about your experiences and thoughts – this is totally confidential and purely for research. Would I be able to call or email you? Or perhaps you may prefer to call or email me on 0207 013 4110/ anna.brent@iwcmedia.co.uk
Please be assured that getting in contact with me means there is no commitment on your part to be involved in the documentary but I would really appreciate a few minutes of your time to chat about this subject matter. I am researching people in relationships that for various reasons are finding it difficult with their family and friends such as couples of different races, religions and social classes.

Many thanks in advance
Anna Brent, Assistant Producer, IWC Media

[anna_a1]

In all honesty, i have never really found african people attractive myself .... But this has only happened because we became friends and just started to get closer, both feel like we have a connection with each other which we cant really explain and we BOTH know that we should'nt really work lol ... as in, our cultures are so different and we'd have a lot of family problems.

I never in a million years thought id ever be in this position, but now I am its hard to know what to do

[Saad]

The sad thing is you were with another man for 3 years and even then only then decided to get engaged. You went against islamic wisdom as if you felt initially so strongly to spend 3 good years with him then you should have married. Free-mixing or forming relationships of this nature is not permitted. Technically all he was, was a bf and you even refer to him as your ex. Had you married, you would now be trying to resolve the differences mutually together. If your ex is still interested and you feel even slightest bit of attraction for him then you should marry him, there will always be doubts and what if's but it's time to put faith in Allah.

As for this bond you've formed with the new guy, racism is forbidden in Islam, learn from your past mistakes, and encourage him towards Islam. You can only do this by practising yourself and establishing love for Allah (swt) which grows when obedient, read up on marriage topics, and duties of muslim husbands and wives. When your parents see Islam bringing the best out in their daughter, the will accept even this black man, for your happiness. By showing yourself to be humble servant of Allah, the new man will also respect you and your faith and you will enevitably bring the best out of him too, simply be following your faith more closely, so you have everything to gain. Inshallah, this new man will become good muslim and win over your parents hearts if he truly cares for you.

[N16LndnAkhi]

I think you should allow these men altogether and focus on respecting yourself first.


Fair enough comment. Everyones thinking it

[anna_a1]

Let me clarify something here. I was with him for 3 years yes, but we were engaged for 2 of those years, with parents knowing and having met him etc. We were planning to get married after 1 year but there was a few different family issues and things that went on, including a death in his family which by their traditions you cannot get married for a year. And then because his family have moved overseas and wouldnt be able to make it for the wedding the next year. So none of this was by "choice" - so its better to find out the reasons why first before you guys judge me??

[Saad]

Apologize for any judgements anna_a1, I know it must be infuriating sharing personal information like this and have people questioning you and your motives.

Just from understanding human nature and affections of the heart, I have come to learn girls are very fickle and undecisive. When they are hurt or wish to overcome one emotion they are quick to seek out another. Being emotionally vulnerable as you are at the minute, I would simply take time out from love matters rather then comparing the two guys and getting yourself in a muddle.

Ask yourself whether you have any future with the ex first, and firmly reach a decision and act upon it first.

Hope that's better advice.