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[Cloud]

I'm not sure if this is the right section to post this question, but I don't know where else to post it.

Anyway, this has been an annoying problem for me. I always have crushes on the wrong type of people. For some reason, they are always rude or bland and lead very anti-Islamic lifestyles.Getting over them can take about several months or maybe even a year. And I get seemingly hundreds of these crushes.

What do you do when this type of thing happens to you? Do you leave it and hope you get over them, or do you actually do something about it?

[Learning]

Moved to relationships.

Interesting topic though.. I'll try and post when I have some time.

Regards,

Learning

[spurfectsk]

Direct them to the Islamic path, then you can channel your love with good deeds and if they still don't love you back then atleast you can leave safe in the knowledge they won't burn in hell.

hundred crushes tho , that might need looking into.

[Cloud]

Direct them to the Islamic path, then you can channel your love with good deeds and if they still don't love you back then atleast you can leave safe in the knowledge they won't burn in hell.

hundred crushes tho , that might need looking into.

Ah, thank you! I always talk about Islam with my friends and so they know the real side of it that many students in my school don't know.
How exactly would I direct my crushes to the Islamic path though? I love the idea, but I don't talk to boys because I know it's haram to socialize with the opposite sex.

[Zoya15]

Well in my opinion you can't direct your crush to the right path ... A boy is not going to want to listen to someone who is going on about Islam And giving then Guidence !! It is a good idea but not for these times :/

I can see where your coming from with trying to forget about someone who is your crush but a bad person ,,, maybe you shlould tell yourself how bad thy person is an try moving on ( in my experience it isn't easy but not much you can do :s)

[Cloud]

Well in my opinion you can't direct your crush to the right path ... A boy is not going to want to listen to someone who is going on about Islam And giving then Guidence !! It is a good idea but not for these times :/

I can see where your coming from with trying to forget about someone who is your crush but a bad person ,,, maybe you shlould tell yourself how bad thy person is an try moving on ( in my experience it isn't easy but not much you can do :s)

Yeah, you can't really go on about Islam to them. However, they do ask me questions about it all the time (sometimes stupid questions). That's an opportunity for me to direct them to the right path, I suppose. Thanks for your input though.

[spurfectsk]

Essentialy, what you need to address why you are developing so many crushes to begin with and what you hope to achieve if there wasn't any religious constraints. Only, you can answer that honestly with yourself.

As youare of school age, it could be just hormones and the feelings may pass and then you can begin to view guys as potential husbands and therefore you won't develop many crushes.

If it stems out of insecurities, then you may have to dig a little deeper and ask yourself why you crave the attention so much? are you lacking love in other areas of your life, from parents, siblings, close friends? (or as is most often the case perhaps your still angry at daddy for not purchasing that barbie house )

Running into the arms of another guy might sound like the best thing to do, one who will tell you your so pretty and give you that care and attention that is lacking! but face it most boys your age will just tell you what you want to hear and not mean it.

Also as you develop multiple crushes before you are over one, it suggests, that you may have been rejected in the past in order to get over that grief your trying to find acceptance from your new crush. The all turn out to be the same though because you falling for the same type over and over again.

So here are some practical steps:

1) Keep up your prayers and faith in allah.
2) Socialise with more friends with stronger faiths and talk to them on a personal level, don't shy away from discussing it, the feelings are natural and people your age living in the same environment as you may hve better solutions.
3) Don't shy away from guys and be scared to approach the, deal with the problem - some muslim girls are brought up too strictly, shy away from even speaking to guys througout school/uni and when they begin their careers in the western world, find they are years behind in their confidence and communication.
4)I think it's actually healthy to have some male friends, obviously dont get too close to them, but speak to them and they will also tell you what guys are really like if they are your good friend.
5) better still subscribe to spurfectsk school for heartbroken girls only £5 a term if you sign up before the new year lol

Well hope that helps you also have that wonderful article to turn to for reference: http://caliph.wordpress.com/articles/boy-girl/ .. so just dont beat yourself about it. Would hate to see you lose years over it though, perhaps if your emotions are so strong for any particular guy, then I would also suggest discussing your feelings but perhaps write a letter oan email and stress you wish to do things in accordance with islam. If the guy LOVES you and he's the right one for you then, he will "grow up" learn to respect you and may be your potential husband.

Which is why I suggested direct them to the islamic path, only if your feelings are reallystrong, obviously don't do it with any old crush. Sometimes telling someone what your heart is feeling and letting it out can be better, then keeping it all bottled up just hoping it would go away. Thats what causes many girls to go round FB stalking which is just as sinful. People have lost quality of being honest with each other but perhaps that comes with age!

[Cloud]

spurfectsk: Thank you so so so so much! I'm so glad that there is someone who actually cares. I will always turn to your post when I'm in the most intensive moods.
Yeah, I think it's just hormones because I am of schooling age. My hormones just HAS to zap some male randomer and make me suddenly obsessed with them.
I personally think it's just my body's way of trying to get me to have children, so I can keep the human race alive. We're humans, we're designed to be really horny and pair off as couples, when in reality, it's just our body instincts to get us to reproduce. I remind myself that, but for some reason, it just makes it more exciting to have a crush, I don't know why. So yeah, that's probably why I'm developing so many crushes.

I think I got rejected at some point. I didn't actually ask anyone out, but when I was ten or eleven, I was very obsessed with boys (more than now, surprisingly) and back then, not a lot of guys payed attention to me so I suppose I took it personally and left me a mental scar that I don't know about. I'm not really bothered about it right now, in fact, now I have the opposite wish! Even though I wear the hijab now, I still get unwanted attention and even guys asking me out (not as much now, because I've given them the lecture). But I still get the occasional guys trying to chat me up. Urgh.

Thank you for the practical tips! I'll try and pray and actually concerntrate on prayers and try to relax, instead of getting it over and done with.
I only get to socialise with friends of stronger faiths about once a week (Arabic school) and now it's the holidays, I don't go to Arabic school and most of the students live far away. I suppose I could make an effort to contact them though.
I am very confident and I love to talk. I'd talk to anyone. I don't have the "shy" problem, although this sometimes can be a problem. At school, I'm loud. And not proud of that. And I'm pretty much hyper all the time. I think the real issue is that I have to tone it down lol!
I'm not really allowed male friends. I do talk to male teachers though, if that counts.

I doubt I'll find the "right one" for a long time though. Most guys my age are so horny and superficial. But when the time comes for me, I'll remember you suggestion.

I didn't know that Facebook stalking was sinful! Tell me more!

[spurfectsk]

really not feeling the wisdom vibe today ... some other time.

[Cloud]

Alright.